Get Lost

Have you ever been lost?

I have. In more ways than one.

As a kid, I remember camping with my family quite often. My siblings and I were usually tasked with finding some fire wood for the campfire, the best part about camping. On one occasion I somehow ended up wandering the woods, probably looking for a proper marshmallow roasting stick, and the next thing I knew I was all alone and surrounded by trees. Whatever trail I may have been following was gone. We were far away from nearby roads or man made landmarks, and the silence quickly became overwhelming. I then did what any kid would do, I started yelling. I yelled my siblings names. Then I yelled for my mom and dad.

No response.

Apparently I’d somehow traveled beyond shouting distance. I started to feel scared. I stood in silence, trying to listen as best I could to any noise other than the quiet woods immediately around me. I yelled a few more times, but with no response I was left with no choice but to continue wandering in the direction I thought I had come. All sorts of frightening thoughts came to my head. What if I was wandering in the wrong direction? What if I was walking farther and farther away from my family instead of closer? How would I know? I was about the age of Webelo Scout, and I’d learned something about how to find north, but in this moment I could not remember. Not that I felt like that would have helped much anyways. I had no idea if the campsite was north, south, east, or west.

Instead of walking in a straight line, I decided to run in a large circle, or rather, a spiral. As I ran, dodging trees as bushes, I grew the spiral diameter larger and larger each time, yelling occasionally as I went. After about 15-20 minutes of this, I heard someone yell back. I ran towards that voice to find a few of my siblings still gathering sticks and firewood, completely unaware I had even temporarily gone missing. I sucked up whatever fear of getting lost I had and kept this story to myself until now.

Since then, I haven’t been in many other situations where I’ve found myself physically lost for more than a few minutes. I’ve always prided myself in having a great sense of direction. And by the time I became a Boy Scout, I definitely got that Orienteering merit badge.

While getting lost physically can be frightening and emotional, there are other ways I've gotten lost throughout my life that have had a much deeper impact.

Childhood

When we are children, we depend on the grown-ups around us. We assume they have all the answers. Parents, grandparents, teachers, church leaders, coahces... We assume they have our best interests at heart. If someone is bigger than us, we automatically assume they must know better. We believe whatever the adults in our lives tell us. Why wouldn't we? We're innocent and trusting. We hopefully haven't been introduced to the world of lies, manipulation, and evil that surrounds us.

We are also just beginning to get to know ourselves. What activities do we like to do? What are we good at? What are we not so good at? How well do we play with others? How creative are we?

Children are blessed to have free reign to explore their creativity and imagination unimcumbered by the emotional hardships of real life. If they are getting lost, then they are getting lost in a book, or in a game, or outside in the woods looking for firewood. They loose themselves in the simple joys of life. And in that simple way, they begin to find themselves.

Adolescence

Everyone knows the teenage years are tough. I may not remember much from my young childhood, but I definitly remember being a teenager. I took those childhood experiences and started to figure out who I was.

I liked soccer. I liked music. I liked singing. I liked riding my bike. I liked hiking and camping. I liked reading. I like spending time with my family and friends. I liked girls and going on creative dates. I liked spaghetti and meatballs. I liked riding horses at our family ranch in southern Utah. I liked talking to people. I liked making videos with my siblings and friends. I liked writing songs and performing on stage.

I lost myself in these things I liked to do. And in so doing, I found myself. I came up with a pretty good idea of who I was as a young teenager. These things became a part of me, a part of my personality and temperment. They helped me form connections and relationships with other humans with their own likes and dislikes.

If this all sounds sugar-coated, let me be clear: Time and time again I was absolutely miserable. Miserable for whatever teenage reason, but mostly mistakes I would make, or sadness I felt when a girl didn't like me back, or not feeling like I belonged with a certain group of friends anymore, or getting made fun of for my religious beliefs, and so on. Whatever the reason, we all know what it feels like to not fit in and boy did I feel it. Especially when we moved to a different state right before my sophmore year of high school and again right before my senior year of high school.

In my adolescence, living in new places and making new friends was extremely tough. I definitely felt lost and alone. I used that solidarity to thrust me forward and outward. It was uncomfortable and awkward. I was uncomfortable and awkward.

But rather than shirk back and retreat into myself to try and find myself in my solidarity, instead I found myself by getting lost in the uncomfortable world of new friends around me. That uncomfortableness became tolerable and then comfortable and I eventually found accepting and belonging.

Adulthood

I've been an adult now for almost 20 years, so I know I've still got a long way to go. However, I've definitly discovered a new way of getting lost as an adult and then as a husband and father.

As a brand new adult, one of the best ways I got lost was to serve a church mission. I threw myself at full speed into a world where I spent nearly every single day for two years doing absolutely nothing for myself and focused my life on serving other people in a foreign country. My personal dreams, ambitions, career goals, marraige prospects, musical aspirations, and even family communication was put on hold. I lost myself in service to others, and in that way as a brand new adult, I really started to find myself. I was happy.

It's amazing how quickly that service, any kind of service, can bring such incredible joy.

As a husband and a father, this sheer joy and happiness from loving and diligent service gets propelled to an entirely new level.  I've written about fulfillment in family before, but I'll simply say that as I loose myself in the daily, sweaty, groggy, tiresome service of my wife and children, I find and discover more and more about myself, who I am, and who I want to become.

Get Lost

My experience has been that every time hunker down and burrow in, surrounding myself with my own problems and worries and fears, I find myself becoming more selfish, unkind, depressed, sad, and lost. In trying to reach inward to find myself, I actually loose myself.

However, when I push through (not ignore, not run away from, push through) my problems and worries and fears by serving and loving others around me and loose myself in helping them, well whadaya know, I start to find myself again. Things become clear. Answers to questions become known. My path ahead starts to come into focus. Overwhelming happiness pounds through my chest.

My problems and worries and fears aren't magically solved, but my perspective has shifted up. And with this new perspective, I've lifted myself out of the selfish fog and can see more clearly the path ahead for me.

So get lost! It may be the best way to find yourself.

And maybe after running in circles for a while, you'll also find a pretty good marshmallow roasting stick.