"The Man Who Saw Heaven"- Portraying Joseph Smith

Nearly 22 years ago, my senior year in high school, I fell into a unique and life enhancing opportunity.

The Anchorage Alaska temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was being re-dedicated. This meant that there was a desire for the local members of the church to put on some kind of cultural production in celebration. The prophet at the time, Gordon B. Hinckley, would be attending this cultural production before the re-dedication ceremony.

An amazingly talented local church member had started writing a musical about the 1890's Alaska gold rush, and it was decided that this musical would be adapted into the cultural celebration for the temple. Members of the church at that time were asked to come and participate in this musical and begin rehearsals.

At the same time this was happening, I was actively in rehearsals for my high school musical, playing the character of Rolf in "The Sound of Music" (a very fun part to play!). I decided to audition for this temple musical as well and was offered the lead role. Unable to rehearse two musicals at the same time, I ended up quitting The Sound of Music and committed to the temple musical which was called "In the Shadow of the Mountain."

Every single one of my Mormon friends also participated in this musical, and I made so many new friends because of this musical. It was so much fun and an incredible bonding experience that fostered and produced lifelong friendships. After a few months of rehearsals, it all came together and we performed in front of the prophet. I even kissed a girl in front of the prophet! The characters we played were fictional, but the stories we shared were real. It an was emotional, impactful, joyful and incredible experience. As a young man about to graduate, attend BYU in the fall, and serve a 2-year mission for the church, it fueled me and kept me focused and driven. It inspired me to be a better person. It was what I needed at that time in my life to get me through the challenges I was about to face.

Fast forward 2 decades and interestingly enough I found myself in a very similar situation, playing the lead role in an original musical production. Only this time, the character I was playing was a real person.

Joseph Smith Jr.

The musical was called "The Man Who Saw Heaven." We just wrapped our last show this past weekend. Original music, inspiring messages, and a story based on the life of the first prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

As soon as we started recording music and rehearsing, I turned back into that 18-year old boy. That boy had no idea that over the next 20 years of his life he would have some amazing opportunities to perform. Many of those opportunities came from his time attending BYU as he traveled abroad with the International Folk Dance Ensemble, and sang in front of TV cameras with BYU Vocal Point.

He would also have 20 years of life experience, some of it joyous and happy as he would marry and start a family, raise children, and find different career opportunities, some of it painful and heartbreaking as he would... marry and start a family, raise children, and find different career opportunities...

The point is that the (recently) 40 year old man I am today is a much different person than that 18 year old boy. VERY different. But those feelings, those emotional, impactful, joyful and incredible feelings I felt back then, while they're the same feelings, it's like they've been bitten by a radioactive sentimental super spider and enhanced to meta-human emotional capacities.

It doesn't take much these days for my emotions to pop out of my eyes and nose in the form of tears and snot, whether it's uncontrollable laughter from a hilarious cast constantly cracking jokes, or channeling the painful thoughts of recently turning 40 years old in an intense emotional scene on stage as snot droops uncontrollably all over my hands and face.

Who knew that performing on a stage at a church building in my own backyard could be a more emotionally impactful experience than performing for foreign audiences and on reality TV shows.

Since I came in on this project, I've been considering how to portray, and how I feel about portraying Joseph Smith Jr. Before I do I think it's important to note that I do not know everything about Joseph Smith or church history. But I have read, and studied, quite a bit about him. Over the years I've read about his life from many different sources, some very faithful, and some not so much. I've read Rough Stone Rolling, No Man Knows My History, Remembering Joseph, The CES Letter, and many more. I've listened to countless podcasts of people talking about him, again from all different perspectives. My focus here is not to dive into either side of any debate about who Joseph Smith was or was not. I simply want to share what my experience was portraying this man on stage as part of a theatrical musical production.

How do I portray him?

I decided I would take my cues from the inspiring music, the script, and the message of the show. Joseph Smith, the prophet of God, and a man, called to restore Christ's church back to the earth. That's the character I tried to portray. He shared his experiences with the world, and I wanted to help share his story from his faithful perspective. Say what you will about him, but he was earnest, sincere, and did everything he could to fulfill the calling he felt that God placed upon him. I hope I did that justice.

How do I feel about portraying him?

This was a little more complex for me. On one end, it's just a character that I'm playing. The joy of being a nobody amateur actor is I don't have to agree or disagree with the character I'm playing. I just get to play a role. I did a lot of plays back in high school and I played good guys and bad guys. Bad guys were often more fun to play. Not because I personally agreed with my character, but because it was fun to play someone so different than myself. How I feel about a character should be irrelevant.

But on the other end, especially in this case, the character of Joseph Smith, a real person who actually lived, and a person that is so engrained in my own religious upbringing, it was impossible for me to not have complex feelings about it. I understand the issues people have with him. I do. I get it. I also understand the faith people have in him as God's prophet. I can see both sides and everywhere in between, and this effects me personally. How could it not?

But herein lies the message of the show. And for me, this was extremely helpful. It comes in the last two songs of the musical.

The first isn't actually a song, but a speech entitled "The Living Christ," delivered passionately by the actor playing the character of Brigham Young. In his speech, he asks:

"If there is something in your life that shakes your faith, then what? Do you look up to heaven and curse God? Do you throw away all the light that has ever illuminated your life? Or do you hold even faster to the little that you do know?"

The second and very last song of the musical is called "This I know." The message of the song is that there are so many questions surrounding the life of Joseph Smith, and some of those questions might not ever be answered, even today, but despite those questions, the people that knew him and were next to him, felt heaven in his presence.

There is a lot that I don't know. And my faith has definitely been shaken many times over the years for a variety of reasons. I have no intention of throwing away any light that has illuminated my life, even though it has often felt quite dark. I hope to take as many opportunities as possible to enhance light in my life. No matter what I believe or don't believe, know or don't know.

For me, this musical was an opportunity to enhance light in my life. I wasn't alive back then. I can't know for sure what happened or didn't happen. I was never physically next to Joseph Smith. I can't declare that I felt heaven in his presence. But if I'm lucky enough to get a chance to portray him, share his story, and the stories of those that did live back then and were in his presence, then that sounds like an opportunity to share some light.

And that light that those people felt, and shared, has to count for something.