Do You Want To Improve Your Communication Skills Instantly?

[Watch the visual podcast version of this article here on YouTube].

Own Your Words

Tell your friends and loved ones that you have learned a new skill in communicating. It is to ignore facial expressions, tone of voice, and hold yourself and others 100% accountable for the words we speak. [The one exception is when someone is truly upset and says something they really don't mean.]

In other words: say what you mean and you mean what you say.

Expecting people to read your mind, or know what you really mean by the tone of your voice and your body language, is confusing communication. It sets you and others up to be frustrated and misunderstood.

Here is an example of confused speach:

"Would you like to go out to eat dinner tonight?"

"Yes, I would."

"Do you care where we go?"

"No."

"Okay, let's do Chinese!"

"Oh no, I don't want to do Chinese!"

Here is another common interaction:

Would you like to eat out tonight at Ding Kong's Chinese?

With a wrinkled brow and a halting voice, the person responds, "Yeah, I guess," — hoping their half-hearted acquiescent reaction will let the person know they really don't want to eat at Ding Kong's restaurant.

(Does this sound at all familiar? 😉)

Here is an example of clearer speech:

"Would you like to go out to eat dinner tonight?"

"Yes, I would."

"Do you care where we go?"

"I'm not sure; run some options by me and I'll give you a reaction."

When the messages communicated by our tone of voice, body language, and words are consistent with each other, not only is our communication clearer, but we reduce the risk of interpersonal strife with people who matter to us.

It is okay not to have an opinion or to say, "I don't know." It is also appropriate to say, "I have changed my mind I do have an opinion, let's do Mexican."

What is not okay is to expect others to read your mind, or know what you really mean by listening to the tone of your voice and reading your body language. Confused communication sets yourself up to be frustrated and misunderstood, and sets up others to fail in understanding you.

When you learn to say what you mean and mean what you say, and do it in a kindly way, it will give you credibility. It means that people can trust what you say.

One more example of an 84 year old grandmother will suffice.

When asked if she would like to have a real celebration of her 85th birthday, she responded, "Oh no, you don't need to make a fuss."

"Are you sure?" her daughter asked. "We would like to invite all the relatives and friends and let everyone express their love and appreciation to you."

"Oh my goodness, don't do that. A small cake and ice cream here at home with those in the house will be fine."

Later, this very same grandmother was depressed. She expressed to her daughter that she was disappointed on her 85th birthday because all they had was a small cake and ice cream.

The daughter asked, "Isn't that what you said you wanted?"

The grandmother's retort was, "You should have known that I really didn't mean it."

Remember, expecting people to read your mind is a recipe for failure, disappointment, and frustration.

If you want to be a great communicator, then you have to say what you mean and mean what you say, and do it in a kindly way.

This is Dr. John Lund, the Communications Doctor saying, "Be your best self and make the world a better place."

Be your best self and make the world a better place!